How the subconscious mind works – choosing love over fear

Did you know that most of your daily actions, thoughts and behavioural patterns are lead by your unconscious or subconscious mind?

As much as this is a time saving, essential capacity, which allows us to drive our car (or ride our bike with perfect balance) to work each day without thinking about the details of how to start the ignition and go into reverse for example; and equally we have the road rules stored in our subconscious mind, making life easy and often flowing – this also has its negative side.

This gift, essential for our lives, something that runs the show, can make us repeat outdated patterns which are no longer useful for us –unless we become aware of it. This gift has within it all the learnings from childhood and beyond, where we decided (with whatever limited knowledge we had) that something is working for us, to keep us:




So whatever worked for you as a newborn, 3 year old, 5 year old etc., is still within you, can be triggered anytime, and if it is not a healthy adaptation, and has not ben seen or healed, is running the same pattern for you today!

Amazing, I know!

So some people are still looking for their fathers or mother’s approval or love. This is incredibly common, which is why I use it as an example here.

So imagine, someone (or even you) didn’t feel loved as a child – you didn’t have own unique needs not met at some point. This is super unique and complex for each human being. Some parents were amazing and just had one subtle, innocent moment of ignoring a child but that moment is etched into the child’s consciousness and playing out still now. The child often blames themselves and is forever either trying to please the parent, and not sure why they still are affected so much, feeling they need to prove themselves (still years later) … another child in the same situation, upon feeling further ignored at other times, may become passive aggressive, or become more intense in behaviours, demanding attention through what parents call ‘naughtiness’. Yet another becomes detached, feeling unworthy of being cared for, convinces themselves that caring and being vulnerable is not safe or worth it, cocooning their sensitive side within a hard outer layer of “I don’t care” attitude … but deep down they are hurting. Their need for love, safety and approval then is project outwards and can lead to issues of just accepting ‘substitute’ love from all kinds of human beings who could use that situation to exploit and be exploited. You get the idea.

This then gets reflected into friendships or opposite sex relationships depending on the complex dynamics. Repeat patterns keep popping up – until this deep programme is seen, healed and released.

This is where I help women. I love what I do and truly appreciate and see the divine in each woman I work with. I see her freedom before she does, and I see and am in awe of her life journey and that it brought her now here, to this point of release and feeling free to realise how perfect whole and complete she is and always was.

Seeing her recognise why life has ben the way to was is a wonderful celebration of life itself in front of my eyes. I too went through this journey, so I know!

I offer this by sitting with the woman, and finding out about where she is stuck, what happened in her life. I get to hear her story. I am trained to hear her language and to notice the classical signs of suppressed hurt and borrowed belief systems, which are reflected in the very issues or challenges she arrives with in my studio or online. We are overall as humans, quite similar, so there is an overarching pattern each time.

Because these patterns originated so long ago (sometimes in past lives), they are so ingrained and natural, that even though many women do have a clue, and they are aware to a degree, the full picture is realised in sessions, and since they were the cause for why her mind was still running that old pattern in some way, they then totally stop.

It is draining to have these old programmes running in the background, and trying to use the conscious mind to ‘battle’ them daily. It is best to pull out the root cause through seeing it, learning the learnings easily (right then in sessions this always happens, and the most beautiful wisdom and learning unfolds each time!) and hence it can no longer trigger and be reflected in her life!

Things only bubble up because they are wanting to be released and first met.

Meeting these is easy and non-traumatic usually. Sometimes it can be teary but not re-traumatising!

So what can these old patterns typically look like:

They tend to be reflected in attracting repeated negative relationships, relationships that are lopsided, unfulfilling, may start off well, but then get uncomfortable. Patterns of either finding new relationships which don’t last long, keeping them ‘shallow’ (to stay ‘safe’), or she may experience the opposite effect of staying in a relationship (past its inherent expiration date) and not being able to leave, even though it is not healthy anymore.

It can be reflected in being too open, too adjusting with minimal boundaries if any; or the opposite: being extremely demanding and unavailable.

The pattern of staying true, being committed, dedicated in an excessive way, where the woman stays, but suffers immensely, is common. This is also often linked with a (subconscious) need for security; both financially and physically. It is often linked with the need to have a relationship, to not face being alone. It is often linked with the programme that “they are getting better”, “they used to be amazing”, so they can be again & she waits and waits, hopes and hopes, twisting herself into a metaphorical “pretzel” in the meanwhile, perhaps walking on egg shells, holding her breath… or it ends up that she is creating a self-fulfilling prophecy by letting herself go, feeling unloved, unsupported, unseen, perhaps she decides to “just” focusing on the kids (if they have them) – ignoring him, but intermittently trying to reach out to him, spiralling into depression, comfort eating and hence he leaves her …

It is that feminine programme of a mother who sees the potential in her children (which is healthy and essential and very real), superimposed upon the partner. The partner initially loves this, and eventually resents it. He/she wants to be loved for who they are too. And then feel this disconnection is creating more pain and less chance to experience love and healthy companionship and true intimacy.

Can you see how these patterns can be unresolved issues of the past, still being created years and years later? Sometimes for an entire life!

In the past women’s survival often was linked to staying with her husband. The world has changed a lot, and yet in many countries this is still so. So it is in the collective field of consciousness. A woman has no support and is societally outcast in some countries, if she is leaving her husband or he dies.

Thankfully humanity is evolving and things are changing. But even in the first world countries, women that rely on their husband’s income will remain, as being without this is like a death threat. It may trigger past (even generational) fears of starvation and potential death in her subconscious and conscious mind. These programmes are strong! Even if you see them, they can remain: for they are meant to keep you ALIVE! They have kept generations before you alive!

The rational mind, discussing it, reading about it, forgiving it etc is often not enough … often women think they did the work around this, then rationalise that they can see this (if they do), and then blame themselves and shame themselves for STILL staying in the relationship /situation despite this awareness – leading to a further downward spiral.

This is where I can help … easily. I help you feel safe, relaxed, completely unjudged, as we help the root cause to become clear. It could have been in utero, and in many past lives that this originated! We are waking up to embracing this now.

We simply, in a super relaxed state, totally safe, and easily, go to the root cause, which her unconscious mind will guide us into.

Here the learning, wisdom and clarity is seen, deeply. It naturally integrates and is healed so profoundly that literally I get to hear this almost every time immediately after the session: “Wow! Thinking of this now is not at all a problem … I am amazed I even thought that way …” She smiles and can hardly believe it … but so it is … each time!

This is so glorious!

If you are ready, connect with me. I always have a phone conversation with each women first, to connect and also see what her challenge is, to explain how I work and help. Wow! I attract the most amazing women. Ready to release those heavy patterns, those sticky energetics which were keeping her stuck.

This can be a single session and a programme or package for going deeper, as from the newfound liberation, navigating a new life can be a bit uncomfortable initially … women often love to have help to set aligned goals, techniques, support and cheering on with claiming their newfound bliss, and to confidently and consciously step into this new life, this new vibration!

I can share with you: she feels younger, free, like an immense heaviness released from her shoulders and heart!

In sessions I am wholistic and tailor everything uniquely to each woman. My intuition is guiding and I draw on the vast knowledge from my education and direct life experience, plus experience with women as clients and friends. I too have been on this journey.

My training is very deep: Breathwork, yoga (kundalini and yin), meditation teacher (since 20 years), including self care programmes and hormonal health for women, chakra balance and mindset through self-hypnosis and NLP (numero linguistic programming) quantum healing, and Russian DNA healing. You can read more about how this works and my background on my website blog. I assist with forgiveness processes, shadow work, effective goal setting and the mindset to support it so it actually lasts and is fulfilled in alignment of your highest good, with deep reconnection with who you are.

Let’s understand our fears and release them. 99% of fears and limitations are old programmes, not useful, in fact they are paralysing and ready to go … the planet and humanity as a collective is ascending/shifting to higher vibration/elevating consciousness.

Resistance to this is ok. It is your unique journey. Truly.

From all I have seen and done myself though: resistance brings more suffering and delays your life of joy. And these days every one who wakes up to their freedom and inner joy helps this process humanity is going through – a process of purging the old, dark, patriarchal system and moving into conscious expansion of love and true honouring of all beings. This helps past generations heal and sets future generations into the highest position for amazing lives.

All this is in the now.